# Voiceover for Tim (2nd version of the script)

### 01
A St John Rowland PRODUCTION

### 02
It has been suggested that the main character in this movie, is a direct
descendent of a long, fruitful line of English patriots. Possibly even, back to
King Arthur himself!

### 03
This … is a tribute to the man, whose story begins when the earth was still
cooling down, and birds flew backwards to keep the sun out their eyes! In the
last 90-something years though, he’s endured two bush wars, escaped one ‘world’
war, ignored the digital revolution, withstood the onslaught of rock n roll,
worked his way round black economic empowerment, and resisted all iterations of
social media sickness.

### 04
Together with Maeve and Alice, not at the same time of course, he’s built or
improved 8 houses, collected, braised or restored more than 20 vehicles,
neutered 4 cats, acquired as many power-tools as it would take to operate a
small hardware shop, and yet, never complained about having too many clamps.

### 05
This is… The life of Bryan. 

### 06
So, who is this peculiar specimen of genetic soup, and… how did Bryan become a
true original, in a world of cheap imitations? 

### 07
Let’s begin with Bryan’s grandfather. May I present… Colonel Michael,
Carmichael, Sinjin Rowland, with a white wine sauce. Chums with the deviant Lord
Baden Powell and, some would say, international gun-runner on behalf of General
Jan Smuts. But on a personal level,  the colonel was: (PAUSE)

### 08
So it’s safe to say, Carmichael wasn’t concerned with whiny grandchildren. His
attention was elsewhere - royal engagements, world politics, British military
tactics, and once, a hot contact in South West Africa. So it was a minor miracle
that he had time to go forth and multiply, which brings us to the next character
in this tale - Roy Sinjin Rowland! So named in honour of the Scottish outlaw and
folk hero, Rob Roy.

### 09
Roy was born a fully-formed adult, according to incomplete family records. As
the son of a decorated colonel, there was no reason whatsoever, why Roy
shouldn’t follow in the footsteps of his father. However, he quickly realised,
he’d rather employ natives to extract precious metals from the bowls of the
earth, than disembowel them with imperial lead. You see, the date was 1920, and
the Witwatersrand gold rush was in full swing - and if you were a minority
European, the world of business was your oyster. But no man ought to navigate
the world on his own. 

### 10
Enter Avril. The Robertson lass from Parkview. The significance and meaning of
their union was not lost on this lady - Like fish and chips, Samson and
Delightful, they were… the Knight and the Dragon. Which is why she surrendered
without debate, to Roy’s Catholic charm, his Sean Connery good-looks, and of
course, his ties to the Order of the Knights of Banana.

### 11
Invitations were printed and hand delivered. Wedding vows were traditional. From
day one, it was patently obvious to anyone, that this pairing, was a match
approved by the highest authority…

### 12
With lending rates at their lowest levels, Roy’s eye settled on a house in the
trendy forested neighbourhood of Craighall. Among the many features of the plot,
was a pool, a Serengeti of space, as well as a stream, babbling at the bottom of
the garden.

### 13
Once a year though, a torrential summer deluge transformed the trickle, into a
fully fledged raging river, often threatening to transport the house, free of
charge, to an entirely different part of the suburb. Mercifully, the structure
hung onto its moorings with a determined enthusiasm. The homemade wooden bridge
though, often had to be retrieved from a neighbour. 

### 14
Soon, babies began to fly out of Avril - 4 of them, in quick succession! Bryan
was number 2, making his appearance on the first day of January, 19 hundred and
33. Growing up was pleasant enough, especially because South Africa was so far
removed from the all the bickering and bombing in the Northern Hemisphere. While
the Germans were invading the territories of Austria, and Poland, Bryan and his
siblings were invading the beaches of Durban and Margate 

### 15
Like most pish-posh children of the time, Micheal, Bryan, Dawn and Christopher
were sacrificed to the holy Roman boarding system, from the tender age of four.
But Bryan was a man with a plan. After advancing the timing of the crank, and
increasing the bore of the carburettors, this excuse for a rustbucket was ready
for take off. 

### 16
To explore other worlds, in search of parents who actually protected their
young… Instead of handing them over to the proclivities of the priesthood, if
you know what I mean. 

### 17
Despite the Jesuit jungle, Bryan emerged into adulthood relatively unscathed,
whereupon Avril complained that he was drinking and smoking way too much, and
generally doing nothing of consequence. She whipped out the classifieds, and
pointed to the front door. ‘Go find yourself a wife firgodsakes!’ So that’s
exactly what he did - one evening, while playing a high stakes tournament of
snooker, Bryan produced a mating-belch that shook every window.

### 18
Two floors down, a young lady yelled ‘bless you,’ and that, was that. Bryan and
Dimps were married in the Marandellas town hall, in Southern Rhodesia. The
honeymoon, which took place on the streets and beaches of Durban, was short and
sweet. Back in Johannesburg, a modest apartment overlooking Oxford Road was
rented, just in time for 1958 to roll around.

### 19
Prior to wedding bells, Bryan was a bit of a petrol-head, especially when it
came to British sports cars. Actually, anything with wheels really! But mostly,
he loved speed. Only later did he discover, the less a sport cost, the more you
could drive without fear.

### 20
And so, the Bitsa-philosophy was born - Bitsa this, bitsa that. But these
happy-go-lucky weekends of competitive hill-climbing, had to make way for a
sobering reality - Bryan was now a family man. And men who were in the family
way, were required to make certain sacrifices.

### 21
However, Bryan jotted down a few reasons for keeping the 3A. After all, it could
still double-up as the family saloon … if he removed a few pedals from the
foot-well, a child-safe pocket, was soon achieved. He took his easy-going,
level-headed wife for a spin to float the idea. Within the week sadly, the
Triumph had found a new owner. 

### 22
‘If you want to do something properly, do it yourself’ is one of Bryan’s core
beliefs. So it only made sense that he would project manage the construction of
the Parkmore house. That done, it was time for some well-deserved rest and
relaxation. A destination with waves and dolphins for the wife and kids, and an
oyster bed for himself. Red-bait, pink prawns and a fresh tentacle - the
trifecta of essentials to dangle off the end of your rod.

### 23
Kobb Inn was arguably the perfect seaside family resort. Weeks on end, to invent
ways to feed the seagulls… so they don’t snatch your bait while casting for
kabeljou, a Kariba tiger… or even a fried 74!

### 24
Once a year, Avril assembled the troops for the annual group photograph,
courtesy of Bryan’s brand new, top-of-the-range Yashica! One can only imagine
the Old Man surveying his brood, and muttering to himself… ‘Mmmm…not too shabby
Roy. Not too bad old boy. A half-decent squadron of well-behaved grand-maggots.

### 25
As the sixties were wrapping up, Bryan bundled up the family unit, and drove
north, for the summer. For 13 seasons. Maeve’s family embraced her return, and
Bryan was henceforth referred to as Koos. Bernice, Donald, Molly, Lofty, Tiny,
Teddy, Sid and Sandy - they immediately ingratiated themselves into our hearts
as though they’d been there all along.

### 26
Quality of life in Rhodesia was unmatched anywhere else on the planet. And
that’s the story we’re sticking to… Hope and optimism became our middle names.
For those who didn’t understand it, they could all go and get knotted! Even when
things heated up, we’d all just hop into the Citroen and join a heavily armed
civilian convoy to Lake Kariba where, in the evening, you could snack on
sun-dried cappenta while watching tracer-bullets flying overhead. Or if the call
of the ocean was louder, Bryan aimed the DS due south.

### 27
Meanwhile, Ian Smith’s utopia of peaceful self-determination was unraveling in
deadly fashion - the Rhodesian Eden had become the Rhodesian problem. In 1979,
months before i was finally old enough to get behind the wheel, Bryan’s firm
recalled him to Johannesburg. On the way out, we stopped to get a sobering
glimpse of what was ahead for those who stayed.

### 28
Maeve was very reluctant to leave Rhodesia, again. She gave Bryan a thousand
reasons to stay. In return, he offered 3 weeks on an archipelago of a thousand
islands - the Seychelles. 

### 29
Bryan has had his fair share of loss. He even became an orphan at the age of 58.
Seriously though, there’s nothing pleasant about terminal cancer. But for the
one left behind, a surprise gift can arrive if you’re open to the notion of
‘second chances’. As one door closes, another opens - isn’t that what they say
in situations such as these?

### 30
Mercifully, Bryan’s second wife Alice, didn’t arrive courtesy of a loud burp.
No. Not this time - instead, the church provided. Alice is undeniably Bryan’s
perfect lid, while Bryan is Alice’s cast-iron hot-pot. Luckily, any amount of
knee-trembling, would never result in an interesting condition for Alice, so
they could now focus entirely on themselves.

### 31
These two stalwarts have definitely given each other a new lease on life -
evidence of their innate compatibility is that they’re both healthy, happy, and
more importantly, here. 

### 32
Hello - my name is Bryan and I’m addicted to power-tools. Slicing, dicing,
ripping, cutting shredding - the more dangerous, the better! Lethal machinery
that could, at any moment, remove a variety of useful body parts. Eyes, hands,
arms in some cases, but especially, fingers! So let’s have a round of applause
for me, that I’m still able to count to ten using both hands.

### 33
Bryan now holds the record for the longest surviving Rowland. What’s his secret?
How does he do it? Is it Alice’s house-keeping skills, and her oven acumen? Or…
maybe, his obsession with well-ventilated vests? Could it be something as simple
as crunchy peanut butter, apricot jam and brown bread? Is it his morning
routine? Or perhaps, the most obvious driver - one Holy Roman Apostolic church!

### 34
Maybe having friends in high places helps - Hail Mary, full of grapes for
instance? But seriously, where does all Bryan’s mojo come from? Welsh Rabbit or
delicately sautéed flying ants in salted butter? Here’s a man who’s always gone
against the grain when it comes to nutrition. For all we know, Brylcream could
be the true elixir of longevity… together with a good nip of rum saturated
raisons, just before hitting the hay!

### 35
How did Brian learn to turn off his stress response? When asked what he does all
day, Bryan’s quick to respond - ‘I make sawdust’ - maybe that’s it! Macro-dosing
oneself with a good sawdust, must have the same effect as methanol on a
2-stroke… whatever it is, I’m sure his forefathers would be proud!’

### 36
Aging is not for the faint of heart. One day you wake up, and youth has quietly
slipped away. But it didn't leave empty-handed. It took your insecurities, your
rush to please, your fear of not being enough. And in exchange, it left
something better: A slower pace yes, but a steadier step. The wisdom to say
goodbye, without fear. The grace to cherish those who stay. The courage to be
yourself, unapologetically.

### 37
Aging isn't losing. It's letting go. It's learning to accept, to release, to
finally see: Beauty was never just in the mirror. It has always lived in your
stories, your scars, your strength. Aging is a gift. Wear it with dignity.

### 38
The Bryan Project wouldn’t have been possible without the generosity and
creative juices from Jeff the animation retard, Al the voice from Surrey, Kling
(who mostly didn’t care for our instructions), Nicklace who literally brought me
to Mohammed, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster.